I fell into a burning ring of fire…
I am pleased to present this Clarity Ring of Fire to englishonlooker and Fahnette for snark, and rants, well conceived, crafted, and executed.
englishonlooker wrote this comment to translate the incoherent, unintelligible mess found in this post:
As a British intellectual on a break for the summer, I deemed interpreting this my challenge for the day; I believe the origins of the language they are conversing in to be Nordic…either way, here is a translated summary for those less blessed in translating prowess:
Black: Alas and alack, I have nought but hope for mine future!
Orange: Darling, what foul cretinous tidings be? Surely no more foul than the maiden occupying your screen! Remove her!
Black: I fear that is a tad hypocritical!
Grey & Brown: Such misfortune! May we be made aware of the nature of your adversity, so that we may vanquish the perpetrator?
Orange: Nay; I fear this is a private matter betwixt myself and my beloved…I put it to you that you are a pair of vile poltroons!
Grey: You, young maiden, are likely to have a multitude of venereal diseases!
Brown: I concur!
Black: Begone, foul fiends! Grey, I for one am highly suspicious of your “with child” status; I was lead to believe you favoured the furry fountain over the phallic mountain - therefore, how the devil could thine egg hath been fertilised…?
Brown: I care not for you nor thy concubine.
Fahnette concocted this little rant in response to the guy who referred to his girlfriend as “my female”:
“Female” is a biological construct.
We are women. We belong only to ourselves. This is not fucking Gilead, you addlepated dickwaffle. I’m not going about in red and referring to myself as OfFahnz, you bleating douchecanoe. Oh, you probably think “spread em bitch” is foreplay and you’re a master of the thirty second pump-and-dump technique because after all, you’ve got more important things to do like…well, I don’t know what and I don’t want to know, you flaming torchsack. But if you keep referring to your significant other as “your” female I can guaran-godsdamn-tee she will continue to maintain friendships with her exes just to spite your sorry possessive ass, you dripping pigcock. I fucking cannot stand men like you who willingly go along with patriarchal relationship claims because it makes you feel like you’re in control. And everyone knows that you bought her a phone so you could keep track of her and who she talks to because you don’t feel like you’re man enough to maintain her interest. That’s right, you odoriferous bag of cow stool, we are ONTO YOU. And from the sound of it, so is your girlfriend.